Farewell Nathan and Juzzie!!

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Is that a sex scar?

Kid's and alcohol.... yes folks it's a pubescent problem in today's society. It's not just the hangovers and the constant breach of the peace..No no no... just add some methanol moonshine for an emotional teen full of ramblings from I love you to reasons why your just another one against them in this world.

It's now unwritten law that my weekend will consist of a 2am wake up call from a pie-eyed melodramatic cousin. You see my predicament is I am forever in this 15 year old's debt, trying to find a way for him to pardon me for my crime. A moment which has left him scarred, literally. SORRY ( # 1,553 ).

No big deal really... Summers day at the beach back in 2000. Adam, 9 at the time and was in waste high water swimming when his miscreation of a dog hitched itself over his shoulders. As Adam stood up, this dogs paws slid down around his breadbasket and just like that, the over powering bearcat had him slightly bent in position 'ready to rumble'. So of course, to turn around and see Fido dry humping your 9 year old cousin is quite the showstopper... excuse me a minute...( play laugh track here )... sorry, just having flash backs!

What I did not know is while he was screaming out for my aid, the tail wagger, having such a merrymaking good time, was cutting it's claws into Adams chest and wounding him all the way down to his lower abdomen.

Six years on, he still has these sex scars and both he and I are reminded of this mournful period in his life for I was too busy falling over in howling laughter to help the lad out. I am apologetic... but really when you think about it, at 15 it's all about trying to impress the girls, what better way than with a scar! Footy wound...Motorbike crash... Anything is better than saying your flea bag dog did the dance of darkness with you 6 years ago.

Really you should really be thanking me, after all chicks dig scars! (Although not sure which ones?) So quit your sobbering tears, stop blaming me and start using this asset to your advantage and stealing some bases.... AND please, please, stop calling me at 2am! Actually you can help with the other 2am caller, start calling me on D-Trains ( Jabber ) phone, you have his number...

This image is for you Eliza Giddy - see, he still talks to me... hey can you cook me one of your cheese sangers?

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The elderly in the east just don't bake?

It appears my apprehension was amiss!

You see my apartment shares the same floor as two delightful doddering ladies. My theorization was that we would have that type of relationship where they would enthusiasticly listen for my return from work to surprise me with a home cooked pie or perhaps meatloaf ( Does anyone even make that anymore? ).

It would listen to their old stories and rants, maybe peek over some pictures, then BAM.. pretty soon they are offering to clean your place while your at work, better yet you have a caterer for your shindig with friends on friday...but zero, zilch, zip, zippo, zot! Just where have I gone wrong?

The fact that Old Woman A's bedroom wall also shares our bedroom wall presumptively does not help.... I'm talking about where the magic happens! No really, I got a do it yourself magic kit, I do atleast one act for Karren before we go to sleep.

But come on... it's 4 months in and not even one scone. I'm a loveable character... eh, well, enough to earn one scone atleast...so I am taking it the elderly in the east just don't bake?.. Like Peter Russell Clarke said, 'Where's the cheese?" I so confused, much like this guy ( view pic )

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Have your new girl call your ex!

Ruthless? Yes! Effective? Definitely! But like many, my man Ben had enough of his ex of 2 months...instead of more deliberation and ongoing signals, well, he went for his own battle plan! Ben had his new flame contact his ex and ask about his sexual preferences and what gifts she should get him. Needless to say it has been close to two weeks with no further contact, while his new courter is doing the procreative moves his ex once perfected. Double score!

Speaking of the ex's, it was the weekend for it. With my girlfriends ex joining the fire brigade and being stationed to work with / under my father.... remember, feel the door for heat Dad, I feel a backdraft plot coming on.

But a weekend highlight, the ex's new ' greatest boyfriend in the world ', who decided to abandon his lassie at home for a night attempting to pick up with the rest of the football boys. His only downfall, he had no idea whom my girlfriend was and decided she was his target. After attempt number four she had enough and thought she would introduce who she was..So smooth to silence in seconds. Nice to meet you too! Don't worry son, we won't dob you in...

Nice Ben, nice! And Jabber, stop calling me at 4:30am - from your mums house too!!?? How much did you love cheese sandwiches as a kid.

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Michael Franti to Whip Cream

Once more Michael Franti will return to weave his magical music conjuration over Australia, hitting September Sat 23rd. Playing with Blue King Brown, blah, blah... anyway! I am not working for Frontier Touring...

Recently some ignoramus gave me a free lecture on music, while I always rejoice in one's thesis into the world of music, making alikeness of Franti to a Barry White gone Jamaican.... well, really, let's just dislodge your pants and smack you right now! Aside from the disdainfulness, the mere mention of this soul populace reminds me of only one thing.... a room mate, a giant tarp, 4 cans of whip cream, candles and of course Barry White!

Hey I was gratified you sent me away, but you could have given me money for a movie and ice-cream like the parents do to the children on TV. But hey, it did take 3 days for the cream smell to go away, so guess we were even....sometimes it smelt like bad cheese, not melted cheese, but bad cheese.. Ah what was my point? Oh yeah, Franti is playing!

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Where the hell is Andy Rae??

"Hey Brad, I'm thinking of heading over to Jakarta for abit."

I am pretty sure the interpretation of the word 'abit' does not give one the allusion of 3-4 years. While enjoying this recreational recess of remedy sedative's and fornication, young Andy has decided to take his studies into the area of human reproduction.

Welcome Toby Rae!

Andrew, well, in my recapitulation your hands down father of the year!... Not content to let his new born son undergo the snip-initiation companionless, no no, at the enriched age of 25 Andrew will resign oneself to the same tender laceration.

Audacious, dauntless, herolike, lionhearted, venturesome or just plain ballsy? Whatever it is, I applaud your deed. Say goodbye to that headpiece it's time for your chief administrative to put his helmet on and join the rest of the troops.

Next time your here we can catch up over some toasted cheese or something...

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